Breaking Dawn...all week long!

What started out as a small obsession, turned into a twenny-bopper late night with other moms who felt a little silly and loved every minute of it! On Friday night, I attended the Breaking Dawn release party at Borders with some really great friends who are all as insanely crazy about this series as I am. Below are some of the pics (Clairissa I plan on stealing a few more from you later!) and the very simple party.

Clairissa and I with our "baby" shirts
Hers is from La Push (packing tape and card stock) and mine is from Edward (iron ons)
At the time, we hadn't planned on it and we certainly didn't know it was more foresight than we thought!


This is our group: Carrie, Sheralyn, Me, Melissa, Brittany, Sarah and Clairissa
We all made tshirts! Sad! *shaking head in disbelief*


Midnight when the balloons fell


Brittany and Sarah giving thumbs up after midnight!


Melissa actually preordered in April so she was like #53. So the whole party was for a purpose. Thanks for giving us an excuse to tell our husbands! haha

After the party, we decided we didn't want to wait for them to call our numbers (#323) to get our book, so we went to trusty old, all hours, Walmart and got it there. Silly, but so much fun yet again.

I read 1 chapter that night (morning) at 2am and then was awakened by my lovely children at 7:30 am and tried to get them settled in their room to catch a few more hours and instead could not sleep for excitement of the book. So, I read about 3 or 4 more chapters before a baby shower at 10am. Then, I went shopping with my husband and kids for Tax Free weekend at the over-crowded Mall of Georgia and then was home around 7pm...all the while reading bits and pieces and accumulating to the beginning of Book 2.

Brogan being a tyrant and loving it in the plane at the mall park

Braden playing with some new life long friends


Landon in my cowboy hat at the mall park

By the time my husband got the kids in bed, I had read through Book 2 and was totally freaking out. Not very happy about where things were going...to out of control, even for Stephanie Meyer. I was really beginning to question whether or not she was going to pull it through. By midnight, I could not handle it anymore. Things had gotten way out of hand I just couldn't go to sleep on the note I had so I read 100 more pages and went to sleep around 3am.

The next morning I was beyond exhausted and did not wake until almost 10, leaving very little time for reading, seeing as I had to get the family ready for church...(HEATHEN INSIGHT: I so was struggling with faking sick so I didn't have to go to church so I could finish the book - I DIDN'T, but ohhhhh how I wanted to.) After the 3 hour block, I came home, got the kids settled into cleaning their room and then sat down while my beloved husband made dinner, did the dishes, did his HT (sorry Carrie) and then played on Facebook while I read aloud from about 11pm til 1:20am. We were both so enthralled with the story that we just couldn't get the much needed sleep to start the week right...oh well, there's always tomorrow!

I have to apologize to my kids and my husband for this obsession...it's over (for the most part) and things can go back to normal. Thank you for being so patient and understanding while I took this time for myself! I love you! Really!

Out of Character...to the world...

This is really something that I leave for Journal writing, but I can't seem to sleep and decided that this would be a more valuable process...I hope! Normally, the things I think about and truly feel are left for those who take the time to read my journals when I'm gone. As a matter of fact, I was looking over some of those past journal entries tonight and realized that instead of being a time-line, of sorts, of my life and the life of those around me, it's turned into a dumping ground for my issues and my inner sufferings and frustrations. Most of the things in there are not necessarily things I would want people to read...nor would it be how I would want to be remembered. I noticed the trend about a year ago and decided that I needed to write more about the blessings and happier parts of my life and leave my rantings for the Lord to hear...poor guy! I have been doing better on that end, but tonight, I've decided to use this outlet as a way to overcome the pain and anguish that's in my heart.

I think everyone comes to a point in there life where they're not happy with who they are and when they feel like no matter what they do, they don't seem to measure up. Sometimes I look around my house and feel completely embarrassed by how it looks (my mother would be sooo disappointed) and other days, as much embarrassment as I feel, I also don't care. Right now a lot of that is due to being pregnant and being emotional, but even when I'm not, some days I truly have the hardest time getting out of bed and going through the day, knowing that I'm going to fail miserably. I often ask myself what I did to come to this point? Did I really go to school to become a mom? Wasn't there something else in the plans than raising kids, cleaning house, fixing the yard and paying the bills? I know what, we, as mothers do is important and cannot be bought with a price, but some days...tonight, for example...I feel like why on earth can't it? Why can't I see how things will turn out? Why can't someone appreciate even the littlest of things that I do even when it's completely invisible to the naked eye?

I truly love my family! I wouldn't trade a single moment with them for anything in the world. I love my husband and I know that we have that "something special," but I often wonder...I often imagine, what their lives would be like if they had something better. Someone better...who could be the perfect mom. I keep waiting for the day when my husband will find that person and want to reinstate polygamy. (this is so hard...and chances are this will never make it to the blog)

There are so many people in my life that I would give my right arm to have an ounce of their ability, their beauty, their talents, their luster, their spirit, their "perfectness." I keep hoping that someday I'll just wake up and make the decision to be that person. To have a perfectly clean house. To have a perfectly decorated and finished house. To have children that were always well-behaved, clean, polite, honest and trustworthy. To have a relationship with my husband, on all levels, be like it could be if there were no ideals or problems. I know none of that exists and I realize that not all dreams come true. But can someone please explain to me how you do it? How do you cope with the reality that you will never measure up? That you will never get it completely right? That no matter how "almost perfect" you are in some areas, people will only ever see the things that you suck at?

I used to be a very happy person. Nothing could get me down and the only thing I wanted was to be loved unconditionally and raise a family in the gospel. Here I am, 6 months pregnant, about to bring my 4th child into the world and I have to sit back and wonder what the heck the Lord was thinking. Why would someone so wise and so intelligent continue giving His precious children to someone who is so inadequate...so unworthy...and so completely a mistake? Boys are one thing...they are tough around the edges. They use logic and search for answers in books. They will eventually figure out the right way (trust me, my husband is a very good example of that-he's screwed up, but he's fixing it). But girls...are you kidding...they almost completely rely on the opinions of other people. What was He thinking??

This isn't just about bringing a girl into the world. It's no really about being a mom or a wife. It's really about balancing your life in a way that you can't help but be happy. I want to be happy again...and mean it. I want to be in love and be loved unconditionally (no matter how grotesque I look). I want to know that everything I'm doing isn't going to royally screw up my kids and put them in therapy for the rest of their lives. Is that too much to ask?

Fun in the pool with Dad!

Daddy and His Boys

What a crazy week! I couldn't believe how many things we did. By Saturday, I was so exhausted I didn't have energy for anything. So we took a lazy day. Joseph played video games with the kids and I read and relaxed. I went to Walmart and got a pedicure and got Braden's school supplies and then came home to find that my boys and their dad were hanging out in the blow up pool that my mother-in-law gave us. It was great to see the boys spending some quality time with their dad.

Brogan was so interested in the camera, he was always ready with a smile!

I couldn't resist! It's just so cute!

These are my albinos

and these are my indians

People always ask me where Landon comes from...anymore questions?
As for the "indians," well, my mother had a cherokee grandmother on her father's side, I think!

Daddy and his two older boys

These two are just the best of friends...they do everything together!
even get squished by dad! ;-)

On a side note, I have just recently joined the "Facebook" world and I have to tell you, as hard as I tried to avoid it, I'm so glad I'm on it. I've seen people I haven't seen in 15 years. It's been a huge excitement to me and a total neglect for my kids. Sorry! Sometimes I just get lost in it and forget the time. Hopefully, the newness has worn off and I can be more disciplined with it!

Photo Frustration!

I feel completely inept when it comes to blogging. I have been trying to put slide shows in so I can make it easier to catch everyone up on the photos I am no able to download, but I can't find the right slideshow program. If you know of anything please send them along.

Anyway, I thought I would download a few pics just so you can look at something other than my boring words!

Baby Girl's First Picture

She's a great eater! Can you see her profile and her arms?

Father and Sons Camp Out

Joseph and the Boys

Grandpa and Boys

Braden Eats at the campout

Landon a little tired after a tumultuous stormy night

* This was an interesting experience...grandpa came along and it was particularly hot this year. He has a hard time breathing at night and thought it would be smart to keep the Rain Tarp OFF the tent to keep the airflow up. So, at 2 or 3 in the morning, Joseph wakes up to drops falling on his face. Oh no! He scrambles out of the tent to try to get it on before it starts pouring and it starts pouring before he gets it on. The kids wake up in a frenzied shock and run from one side of the tent to the other not sure why they are getting wet inside the tent. After they got it on, it was totally soaked inside and everything was wet as could be...kids included! Poor guys...they did have a good dinner the night before, thanks to Mom!

Joseph and Becky's 7th wedding anniversary

Becky Steals a Kiss on the Ferris Wheel

Dolly Parton at her Parade at her Park

Joseph and Becky on the Ferris Wheel

Joseph and Becky in Gatlinburg

Joseph being very handsome!

*We went to Pidgeon Forge to relive our honeymoon. We went to Dollywood and saw the Festival of Nations. We had a wonderful time and Joseph really surprised me with everything he did for our anniversary. You are wonderful, Honey!


I guess that's it for now. I haven't really done much else. We hope we'll be able to get a few more recent pictures of the kids up soon, but until then...

Here's the news!

WE ARE HAVING A...............

G I R L

We are thrilled and overjoyed. Braden is excited and wants to know what we are going to name her...we don't know yet! Landon and Brogan don't really care, but our family has been really happy for us! We were out in the store today and we had all 3 boys with us and several people asked if we were having a girl and it was so exciting to be able to say YES!! I of course bawled through the ultrasound and asked the technician over and over again if she was sure...she finally printed me a picture of her *giddy and blushing* to show exactly why she knew.

Thank you for all your well wishes and crossed fingers. Although we would have (eventually) been fine with a boy, we could not be happier with having a girl. It's still a little surreal, but I am excited to meet her and see how different she will be....I know...more emotional...which explains so much about my emotional status as of late.

Anyway, pictures are on there way...I promise! Take care and thank you again for all your love and support!

Tomorrow is the day...

Tomorrow is the big day...Joseph has a dentist appointment! Ok, yeah, I know not so funny. I will have an ultrasound tomorrow and will find out that I am carrying yet another boy...or a girl (which would be a lovely surprise to prepare for!). I'm under no illusions and have no expectations. (Course I say that and I've barely slept, I've had more heart burn than I ever have and I feel like my heart is going to leap out of my chest from anxiety and stress.)

I will be posting a blog with the pictures and official announcement tomorrow night. So, stay tuned for the newest addition to our family! I am excited and scared all at the same time and am mostly hopeful for a healthy baby.

Still nothing on the car front. We are still looking. This doesn't help the stress or the anxiety and oddly enough the heart burn is only more pronounced, but as I've heard a thousand times, "this too shall pass." *if I had a dime for every time I heard that phrase!* Hopefully, before Joseph goes to Florida for a week, we will have something a little bigger to pick him up in.

On some more FANTASTIC news. About the only I've had in the last 2 weeks...
LANDON IS OFFICIALLY POTTY TRAINED! Yep! Went to Chuck E. Cheese and everything. He even slept last night with NO diaper...all through the night...no accidents! And he's decided he can do EVERYTHING by himself...even dressing. (the wiping, not so much, but that too will come!) So, I only have one baby in diapers until November (October) and I am grateful beyond measure that the Lord has granted me that much!

I will someday find the battery charger for my camera and be able to show you all the wonderful pictures we've taken, until then, I'm at the mercy of my Mother-in-Law to share with me what she takes...bless her heart, she's just too busy!

Thanks again for all your well wishes and crossed fingers. They are so much more appreciated than you'll ever know.

Ciao for now!

Summer Chaos

Summer is definitely here. It's hot, it's muggy, it buggy and ... did I mention the hot yet. I do live in Georgia, but wow, it's been crazy. While the rest of the country is experiencing floods and tornadoes and cooler than normal temperatures, Georgia is experiencing hotter than normal (for this time of year) temperatures and craving a little rain. Don't misunderstand me, I feel terrible for those who are having to evacuate their homes and those who have lost loved ones...I don't wish that on anyone. Thank goodness for air conditioning and pools, because otherwise, I don't think I'd be doing very well.

I really have no complaints other than that. Life has been pretty good to us. I still can't find my camera charger, so you'll have to be bored by my rantings instead of the adorable pictures of my kids and the fun things we are doing.

Last week, Landon spent the week with Grammy and Grandpa Garfield. He absolutely loved it! He's been feeling a little over-looked since Brogan joined our family and we wanted him to feel special. (we were also hoping it would help in the never-ending potty-training saga...it helped more than we thought it would!) He has been wearing big-boy underpants and went to church for the first time without a diaper yesterday! He had to go potty once and was dry the rest of the 3 hours. He had an accident that night while we had a Father's Day dinner celebration at Grammy's house, but once in a while is better than all the time! All in all, it was a great success and now he's been talking up a storm and we've discovered that Landon really does have a lot more to say than we thought. Who knew!

Braden and Brogan and I spent the week swimming, playing with friends and going to the movies. We also spent a little time shopping for Daddy for Father's Day. Two days at different pools with different friends and a day watching the movies for free (ok it was Shrek 3, but the drinks and popcorn were only $1 each!)...we look forward to Spiderwick Chronicles and Nim's Island coming up in July! This week, Landon and Brogan and I will still get to do the pool and the movies and hopefully a fun playdate for Landon!

For those of you that may not have known or heard something and wondered why we were in a rental car on Sunday, here's the story!



My van back - crashed into our neighbor's house on Thursday. It was far more tragic while it was happening than what it turned out to be. I had just gotten home from shopping and the movies and the baby was asleep, so I parked the car and ran inside while it was running to get him a bottle so I could just put him straight up to bed. I came back out and turned off the car and it started to roll back (baby still asleep in the car). I tried to start it again, but it would start and I tried to stop the car with my body, but it started to drag me with it (baby still in the car) so I stepped aside and watched as my sleeping baby and my van rolled down our driveway and into our neighbor's house across the street. Screaming the whole time, I looked around to see if anyone had seen it or come out of their houses to see what happened and nobody was around. I was glad there was no kids in the street (a frequent finding on our street) and I was grateful that no cars were coming down the street. I'm still not sure how the car turned, but it did and I watched as the front tires lifted up in protest to the corner of their garage. With only minimal damage to the house ( a storm drain crushed and a couple of planks mushed up and a satellite cord to be replaced) the house was totally in tact. My van on the other hand, was severely destroyed. The bumper and trunk door inverted where it hit, glass completely crumbled and the bumper some how flipped out. And the exhaust pipe totally curled towards the front of the car. It was a miracle that I wasn't injured trying to stop the car, or that the baby wasn't even scratched, he was even laughing by how I was acting (hysterical and completely freaking out) and Braden could have been the most injured if he hadn't gotten out of the car when he did. Gratefully, our insurance took care of everything and they will be picking up my "totaled" van today and we will be needing a new van before our rental car runs out. We are so grateful that everyone was ok and that we will not have to declare bankruptcy to pay for the damages.

I have babbled on long enough (I know because my kids are starting to distract me with their boredem), so I will leave with these last few things. Brogan is completely walking now. He's a monster, but is a complete joy to be around. He also has the darkest skin of any of my children. We call him and Braden our indian babies. Landon is our Ghost...whitest boy you ever saw! I will be finding out the sex of our new baby on July 1st (thank you to all those who gave their thoughts and opinions...it was more help than you'll ever know!). When we find out, we will let you all know!

Take care and hope you are all having a wonderful summer!