It's Halloween

So much is going on. We have had a crazy year filled with sickness, joys, successes and sorrows. But through it all, we have overcome. The Lord works in mysterious ways and with humor throughout. Earlier, I had hit rock bottom...Sunday, I should say. I had given up and decided that I wasn't going to try anymore than I had to. Fortunately, through prayer and study, the Lord saw fit to mend a bridge that needed mending. Although the trials and tribulations are still awry, they are much easier to bare now that I've acquired my partner again. And we, the 3 of us, can continue on this journey with open hearts and a willingness to learn and listen.

We have just recently had a baptism...the first in our family. Braden turned 8 in September and my Pop and his wife Rosalee were able to come and experience it with us. We were all really excited they were able to come.

On Friday, Landon will have his first sleep over party, by himself and will be turning 6. We are so proud of him. He has turned into such a special boy and has even managed to keep his beautiful blonde hair and his hazel eyes...just like Daddy!

On Thursday, Kaleyna will turn 2!! I know it was yesterday we were blessing her, but we are going on to the terrible twos and boy, is she good at it. Down to the drawing on the walls with pencils and sharpies to dumping out bags of crackers all over the floor, she is good at being 2, but we love her anyway! She is a big girl, a size 4T and is an absolute gorgeous girl. She is looking forward to Trick-or-treating on Saturday.

Brogan and Talhon are growing up super fast too. Brogan turned 3 in April and has taken on the middle kid role superbly! He seems to fit in with both sets of kids really well. He can hang with the big boys in video games and trampoline adventures, but can enjoy himself just as well playing toys with the babies! He's awesome...and soo patient with mom!!

Talhon is crawling up and almost down the stairs...a feat we have quickly had to master. He is always on the go and thoroughly enjoys being outside and exploring for himself. He is a joy to be around and, just as we've been told by many, at his worst, he is still an angel...although I don't think they've experienced him at 2 or 3 in the morning...but even then it's pretty hard to be mad at him.

Joseph is working hard, as always and has acquired a great job at a local company doing exactly what he loves. No more commuting and no more missing time with the kids for days at a time. We like having Daddy around more!

I am better than I was this morning and I feel like the Lord takes a special interest in making sure I know he lives. We had a fantastic experience at Time Out for Women this past weekend and I was able to meet some amazing people and share it with some pretty amazing people that I am lucky enough to have in my life. And may I just say how much I love Hilary Weeks! Her music and attitude inspire me to be better than I am and better for my family and friends.

There is always more going on, than I could ever keep up with, but I am so glad that I have the gospel in my life to ground me when I need it most. Prayer is such a powerful thing. And the knowledge that the Lord is there and knows who we are, makes being without my mother, so much easier to bare!!

Here's to the holiday!! May the come with happiness, love and charity...and may they last longer than they are!

It's Halloween...almost!

It's interesting how life works. Some days you have amazing experiences that change your life. Then, in an instant, or in a few unchoice words, your life is changed all over again. I'm not really sure how or why things happen, but I do know they happen for a reason. The unfortunate thing right now, is that I don't know that I wanted to know everything.

How does one deal with the fact that for the past 10 years, the person you love and cherish and consider your best friend, has been setting you up for failure around every corner. I've been competing in a battle that I didn't know I was fighting and I believe that battle has been won, but not by me. I know my BFF loves me and wants only good things, but on the other side of that, a subconscious desire to be everything to everyone has left me completely sabotaged and aimed at destruction.

I may be a little melodramatic, but seriously, I am at a loss of what to do. Well, I shouldn't say that. I've have given up. I am going to have to start over from ground zero, which is clearly a most difficult task given my circumstances. I have 5 kids, so giving up is not really an option, it's just giving up on me and all the desires of my heart that I've given up on. I've lost a lot of faith in my BFF and unfortunately, I don't know if it will ever be regained. But, on the positive side of things, and probably the reasons for all the turmoil in the first place, I have managed to give up my life entirely to the Lord. (not that it wasn't his already, but I have certainly given up on trying to make things happen.)

Life will go on, and things will happen in His time regardless of what I do. So, with fervent prayer and a longing for a clear understanding of my purpose right now, I utterly give my soul up to any who are willing to take it. I don't know that there's much of it left, but it is anyone's for the taking.

Sincerely,

A lost soul, struggling mother of 5, and an abandoned wife and sister.