It's Halloween...almost!

It's interesting how life works. Some days you have amazing experiences that change your life. Then, in an instant, or in a few unchoice words, your life is changed all over again. I'm not really sure how or why things happen, but I do know they happen for a reason. The unfortunate thing right now, is that I don't know that I wanted to know everything.

How does one deal with the fact that for the past 10 years, the person you love and cherish and consider your best friend, has been setting you up for failure around every corner. I've been competing in a battle that I didn't know I was fighting and I believe that battle has been won, but not by me. I know my BFF loves me and wants only good things, but on the other side of that, a subconscious desire to be everything to everyone has left me completely sabotaged and aimed at destruction.

I may be a little melodramatic, but seriously, I am at a loss of what to do. Well, I shouldn't say that. I've have given up. I am going to have to start over from ground zero, which is clearly a most difficult task given my circumstances. I have 5 kids, so giving up is not really an option, it's just giving up on me and all the desires of my heart that I've given up on. I've lost a lot of faith in my BFF and unfortunately, I don't know if it will ever be regained. But, on the positive side of things, and probably the reasons for all the turmoil in the first place, I have managed to give up my life entirely to the Lord. (not that it wasn't his already, but I have certainly given up on trying to make things happen.)

Life will go on, and things will happen in His time regardless of what I do. So, with fervent prayer and a longing for a clear understanding of my purpose right now, I utterly give my soul up to any who are willing to take it. I don't know that there's much of it left, but it is anyone's for the taking.

Sincerely,

A lost soul, struggling mother of 5, and an abandoned wife and sister.